Sunday, January 4, 2015

Oh, the Thinks You'll Think!

Twelve miles today.  Northern route or southern route?  Northern.  I guess.  Not feelin' it.

OMG, look at that sky!!!  Overcrossing!  Eastbound!  I need a picture of that for Instagram. [snap a few pics]  The reflection of the sky in the creek is so pretty, I wonder if that will actually show up in the photo.  I wish stupid Walmart wasn't in the background.

The reflection shows up, but you have to know what you're looking for.
Well, I guess I'm going this way now.  

Good morning ducks!  

Where's the 6-mile turnaround?  [Remember running this route with UltraIronHubs two months ago and decide that the turnaround is at W Ave.  Also decide not to try and run the convoluted route he ran me through the neighborhoods, but stick to the main street between nature trails.]

KITTY!  What happened to your tail?

This trail is sort of dark.  No music until EG Blvd.  

Can I get a better picture of the sky from here?  No.  Stupid Mr. Motorhome in the background.  How about now?  Yes, I probably could, but let's keep running, it's cold and I already have a picture.

Look both ways.  No cars.

That's where the homeless guy died.  I wonder who put the cross there for him.  I wonder how many homeless guys there are out here.  I'm so glad I'm not homeless.

Alright, on the street, headphones on.  Aaaaaaand, my pace instantly gets a little faster. Rein it in, girlfriend, you still have ten miles to go.

Look both ways, no cars.

This is a weird street.  I've never noticed how many apartment buildings there are here.  Probably because I've never run here.  And I never drive here.  [Remember living in an apartment and how cheap the carpeting was.  Feel grateful that I don't live in an apartment anymore.]

Is that a teeny, tiny snake or a big ass worm?  Probably worm.  Hard to tell.

Hello, molester van!

If I'm only at two and a half miles now, there is no way that W Avenue is going to be a six mile turnaround.  Crap!

What's that smell?

Look both ways, no cars.

Yay, trail!

Pretty and chilly.
[Remember running this route with a running client.  Think about work for awhile.  Try to not think about work, because today is my day off.]

Pleasedon'tcollapse, pleasedon'tcollapse, pleasedon'tcollapse.
Other runners!  Yay!  Wow, she is wearing a lot of clothes.  I mean, it's cold, but.  Wow.  Do I know her [she's wearing a balaclava over her face]?  I'll turn off my music to say hello just in case.  She's looking at me like she's wondering if she knows me, too.  She sort of looks like Jesse, but I don't think it's Jesse.

More runners!  Okay, now that is totally Jesse!  "Good morning!  You're running?  You're recovered??"  [She just ran an overnight ultra on New Year's Eve/New Year's Day.]

I wonder if I'll ever do an overnight run.  I don't really like running at night.  But I do want to complete a hundy someday.  So, yeah, I guess I'll run overnight.

Welp, this is W Avenue and I'm only four miles in.  Fuck.  [Vaguely remember running this route with UIH two months ago and needing to tack on some extra miles at the end.  Wish I would have remembered that earlier.]

Okay, westbound for a bit.  Where would two miles be?  I'll practically be back home.  Lame.  Also?  This is downhill.  This sucks.  I don't want to run this way.  I don't want to go uphill to get back to the trail.  But I'm already running this way.  Fine.

Green light, hit the button, let's go Walk signal.  No?  Seriously?  But it's still green.  Come on!  Come ON!  As soon as I set foot in the street, it'll turn yellow.  Be patient.  Waiting.  Waiting.  OMG, I am going to grow old and die before the light even turns yellow!  Why didn't it give me a walk signal?

Finally!  UGH!

Okay, I'll turn around here at Mile 5.  That means I have to go another mile past the trail in the other direction.  Will that be B Avenue?  No, that's probably not a mile.  I'm going to be out in the middle of nowhere before I can turn around.

Oh.  I didn't realize there was any wind this morning.


I haven't had enough to drink.  I always forget to drink when it's cold.  No, I just always forget to drink.

Quarter mile to the turnaround.  Is that street going to be a quarter mile?  Like I can tell.  Maybe.  Tenth of a mile to the turnaround.  That might be a tenth of a mile.

Turnaround!!  Whoop whoop!

Dude.  Slow down.  You still have five miles to go.

Hey there, old guy in cotton sweats.  How's your New Year's resolution coming along?  And why can't I seem to catch up to you?  Fuck.  Am I really going that slow?  No, I think I'm closing the gap.  Maybe.  Okay, definitely.  WTF shoes is he wearing and why am I swearing so much?  Getting tired.  Getting low on calories.  And I'm pretty sure those are New Balance Minimus.  On a big dude.  Who is slapping his feet on the ground like flyswatters.  I wonder if he'll keep this up.  I hope so, the world needs more runners.  But maybe with different shoes.

"Good morning!  I'm behind you, coming up on your left!"  Is he wearing headphones?  Must be.  "Good morning!"  Dude.  "Sorry I scared you!"

I shouldn't listen to my music so loud, either.

Yay, back to the trail!  Yay, downhill!

Is that a giant sleeping dog or a garbage bag?  Giant dog?  No, probably not.  Maybe not.  Oh, abandoned tire.  Of course.

Shit.  Train on the trestle bridge.  Do I run under it?  I don't want to run under it, that bridge already freaks me out.  I don't want to wait here, I'm less than three miles from home and waiting for a train that isn't even blocking your way under a bridge is stupid.  If the train crashes the bridge and derails, I'll be killed over here, anyway.  Plus I'll see it coming, which would suck.  Go under.  You can do this.

I'm sure other people have stupid irrational fears, too.

Oh, yeah, "Wizards in Winter!"  Duhnduhnduhnduhnduhnduhn DUHN!  Duhnduhnduhnduhnduhnduhn DUHN!  Boodalooboodalooboodalooboodalooboodaloo BUM BUM BUM BUM!

It's weird to sing along with a song that has no words.

Look both ways, no cars coming.

I'm going to take a selfie on the pedestrian overcrossing.

My hands are so cold.

I don't want to hear that song.  No.  No.  Skip.  No.  No.  I already skipped that!  No.  No.  No.  No.  OMG, iPod, stop trying to get me to listen to the Black Eyed Peas!  No.  No.  No.  I need Kid Cudi, gimme Kid Cudi.  No.  No.  I'm tired, I need good music.  No.  Is that my song?  No.  Are you kidding me?  I've skipped that song three times already!  Oh!  There!  "Imma do just what I want/looking ahead no turning back/people tell me slow my road/I'm screamin' out fuck that"  Probably shouldn't be singing that out loud.  This is somebody's back yard.  So tired.  Don't care.  Bring me home, Kid.

View from the top.
I wonder how many drivers saw me taking that selfie and laughed at me.  I would have laughed at me.

KITTY!  With the short tail!  You're the same one in the same place, but two hours later.  What are the odds that I would see you again?  Like a jillionty to one.

Almost home, last turn.

Ha!  After all that, I'm going to be over mileage!

Stop at twelve, or stop when I get to the corner?  Corner.  I don't want to walk now.

BOOM!  TWELVE!  Negative splits.  I made it.



PahlaB said...

I love six milers, they're my favorite! (And that was a totally unintentional Elf reference.) But this year's marathons aren't going to run themselves, so long miles it is. Sorta like you and the "aqua portion" of your tri. :)

Laura said...

This cracked me up! I particularly enjoyed all the f-bombs.