|I never get tired of this view. It was a lovely day to run on the American River Parkway.|
It's tough to set goals when you're not exactly operating at 100%. And, frankly, it's tough to even know where my 100% is anymore. I feel better. A lot better, in fact. But am I back to where I was before? It doesn't feel like it. Will I ever be there again? I don't know.
I've generally set goals based on time or distance. Many years ago, when I was "fast," I was always chasing a PR. Then I wanted to go farther, so I slowed down and just kept going. Either way, I set and (mostly) reached goals that stroked my ego. To be brutally and embarrassingly honest, since I started running eight years ago, I've seen myself as something of a badass. Not in comparison to other people who are doing way more badass stuff than me, but definitely compared to the chubby, lazy girl I used to be.
When I'm looking ahead to 2015 and thinking about my running and racing goals, I have some apprehension. I truly feel that the reason I haven't been physically injured for the past two years is because I've slowed way down. And I also feel that the reason I ended up with anemia is because I was pushing myself to go a little too far. This is not to say that I don't have any more fast miles in me or that I'm all done running ultras, but rather that I need to be sort of cautious for awhile. But where does that leave me right now? Fun runs? Ugh!
|A perfect fall day.|
I don't think I actually got faster after my lovely little epiphany, but I sure felt better. I finished 14 miles, the longest I've run since July, with a smile on my face. I love to run. I want to run for as many years as I can. It's long been my goal to run a marathon when I'm 80 years old (since I ran my first one at 40. It's like an OCD thing), and I know there will be plenty of mental readjustments along the way. Thank goodness I have so many miles to figure these things out.